Where my brain goes darkly.

So there's this joke I know and love:

A women desperately looking for work goes into a toy factory.

The Personnel Manager goes over her resume and explains to her that he regrets he has nothing worthy of her. The woman answers that she really needs work and will take almost anything. The Personnel Manager hems and haws and finally says he does have a low skill job on the Tickle-Me-Elmo line and nothing else. The woman happily accepts. He takes her down to the line and explains her duties and that she should come in at 8am the next day.
The next day at 8:45 there's a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Tickle-Me-Elmo line manager comes in and starts ranting about the woman just hired. After screaming for 15 minutes about how badly backed up the assembly line is, the Personnel Manager suggested he be shown the problem.

Together they head down to the line and sure enough Elmos are backed up from here to kingdom come. Right at the end of the line is the woman just hired. She has pulled over a roll of the material used for the Elmos and has a big bag of marbles. They both watch as she cuts a little piece of fabric and takes 2 marbles and starts sewing them between Elmo's legs.

The Personnel Manager starts to laughing hysterically. Finally he pulls himself together and walks over to the new employee and says, "I'm sorry, I guess you misunderstood me yesterday. What I wanted you to do was give Elmo two test tickles."


Friday at work I was told by a secretary that one of my colleagues is a cancer survivor and lost a testicle to the disease. She told me 'cause apparently everyone else on staff knows and she figured I should too. But she WAS concerned that now every time I saw him I'd be thinking about the one testicle. I assured her that I wouldn't. Indeed, to me he sounds JUST like Christopher Reeve, so every time I hear his voice I think "Superman." After three weeks of this, I doubt it'll ever change.

But apparently I was wrong. Apparently this knowledge does make me think differently about him. Because when she told me about the one testicle my first thought was "testicles... test tickles... Elmo!"

So no, I don't think "hey, this is the guy with only one ball." But I no longer think "Superman" either. And I've been working on this all weekend, but still, when I think of him, I can only think of one thing;

Tickle Me Elmo.



*sigh*



I'd almost rather think about the testicle.





Picture taken from: http://www.freakingnews.com/Elmo-Pictures--1152-0.asp

Denial

Show me a person without denial, and I'll show you a comatose person.


And even he probably thinks he's awake.

Keep in mind for the 2008 Canadian Elections

The Inheritance Tax
Accounts Receivable Tax
Airline Surcharge tax
Airline Fuel Tax
Airport Maintenance Tax
Building Permit Tax
Cigarette Tax
Corporate Income Tax
Death Tax
Dog License Tax
Driving Permit Tax
Employee Tax
Excise Taxes
Federal Income Tax
Federal Unemployment (UI)
Fishing License Tax
Food License Tax
Gasoline Tax ( too much per litre)
Gross Receipts Tax
Health Tax
Hunting License Tax
Hydro Tax
Inheritance Tax
Interest Tax
Liquor Tax
Luxury Taxes
Marriage License Tax
Medicare Tax
Mortgage Tax
Personal Income Tax
Poverty Tax
Prescription Drug Tax
Property Tax
Provincial Income Tax
Real Estate Tax
Recreational Vehicle Tax
Retail Sales Tax
Service Charge Tax
School Tax
Telephone Federal Tax
Telephone Federal, Provincial and Local Surcharge Taxes
Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge Tax
Vehicle License Registration Tax
Vehicle Sales Tax
Water Tax
Watercraft Registration Tax
Well Permit Tax
Workers Compensation Tax .



Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago,
our nation was one of the most prosperous in the world.
We had absolutely no national debt,
had a large middle class,
and Mom stayed home to raise the kids.

Lethal Weapon 4: Double D's

So doctors in Germany and Australia are experiementing with a new material for breast implanets: titanium. That's right; the material used on the space shuttle is soon to be supporting the breasts of women near you.

The main benefit of using titanium as a coating around silicone gel (in mesh or thin coating form, according to http://english.pravda.ru/main/18/90/360/13404_breast.html and http://www.docshop.com/2007/05/14/titanium-breast-implants-the-ultimate-underwire/) is that titanium is biocompatible, meaning that it doesn't cause allergic reactions, inflammation or scarring. Plus it's super-strong. Scientists are still working out the kinks to ensure no more saline leakages, but if it's good enough for the space shuttle...!

Titanium implants are already used for dental implants, hip balls and sockets, and orthopedic implants. So I suppose it isn't as weird as it first sounds. But I can't help thinking about the increased security in American airports. Amongst other new rules, anything which could be construed as a weapon must be checked in. No scissors, knitting needles, toenail clippers, eyelash curlers, spiky shoes, looooong fingernails... and metal breats. 'Cause let's face it... a woman with Madonna-style titanium cones really COULD poke an eye out! And if there is an emergency or a fall or something, someone might hit his/her head on the woman's chest, possibly causing bruising and/or a concussion. Plus, imagine a woman going through airport security, and having to explain why she's naked and the metal detector is still going off.... So woman with titanium breasts may need to have zippers surgically implanted too... so they can check their breasts at the airport!

Thoughts in a drug store

I went into the drug store today and saw a gentleman walking around in jeans made by Dolce and Gabanna. I know this because that's what it said in large white letters across his back, just below his waistband. On his left butt-check was a large lacy D; on his right a large lacy G. With sparkles, and other white decor things around both letters.

My first thought was "Dolce and Gabanna... isn't that a womens' fashion designer?"

My second thought was "white lacy letters... yeah... he's wearing women's jeans!"

My third thought was "Gabanna-butt!"

Fifteen minutes later I'm still thinking "Gabanna-butt" and laughing quietly to myself. I'm so glad I'm easily amused!

Post Secrets

*parody set to the Beatles "Lonely People". Yes, a work in progress. But wanted to share anyways!

There was an artist
Playing with bottles and keys and with pictures of hands
Playing with minds
Handed out postcards
Asking of strangers the sharing of their secret pains
Souls without names
All the lonely people, divided by their shames
All the different secrets, and yet they’re all the same.

Personal note

Dr. Deb, should you happen to be checking my blog, I'd appreciate your perusal of this post

http://museranonymous.blogspot.com/2007/07/canadas-youngest-convicted-multiple.html

for any input. Am I just way off base here? Or not clear on my points?

Oh, and I've kept my blog neutral as to my profession and educational background. Or... I meant to... but I see in my evaluations of the works of Weird Al, that I didn't. Still, I do try to. I'm too new to the field to want to be considered a Voice Of Authority on ANY issue...!

On a lighter note, you may enjoy the one about the Tennessee Ten Commandments, regardless of your religious background.


And if you're not Dr. Deb, you are also welcome to peruse these posts. And please leave comments!