Speaking of religion...

...and really, when are we NOT...

I'm having a little trouble wrapping my head around a new-to-me kids' club, whose name I won't mention here lest they come visit with tar, feathers, and/or burning crosses. It's a social-type club where like-minded grade-school children gather to memorize Bibe passages. Then they go off to expensive (for parents) competitions to compete... on whom can memorize the Bible better. It's been around for quite some time, apparently, since a workmate was a member when SHE was a child, a little over two decades ago. And apparently it is VERY competitive, with coaches priming participants to be "winners," "the best," and not "losers."

So, I'm struggling with two issues, here:

1. first, children are learning the letter but not the spirit of the passages. For example, one mother was telling me that a fellow club member told HER son that he was going to hell, nothing he could do about it, 'cause he's lied recently.

That's sorta not the point... or it is, but it's not the COMPLETE point... at least not of the Bible I'VE read. We've all sinned. Sure, not everyone has sculpted their own little idol, or coveted their neighbor's wife (speaking of which, does that mean it ISN'T a sin to covet your neighbor's HUSBAND? YES!!!), or committed murder. But we've all "borne false witness," that is, we've all lied. What toddler HAS 'fessed up to stealing a cookie, breaking a vase, painting on the cat... except for the kid with the cherry tree (a sick little dork who has made generations of the rest of us look really, really bad), everyone has lied at least once by the age of two. Which makes us all sinners, which means we're all doomed before we've really mastered toilet training.

The point to Christainity is what you do AFTER, which this little Goober Descartes seems to have missed in his rush to memorize the greatest number of passages. Too bad his branch of the club isn't teaching comprehension as they shovel prose into the cerebellum of unsuspecting competitors.

2. My second issue, the one that REALLY leaves me rocking in the corner, pertains to the notion of competing by learning Bible versus. To clarify, children are competing to see who is the best at learning passages of a book that teaches about humility, compassion, and love. After you've won such a competition, you can use those verses of humility, compassion, and love to taunt-to-tears the "losers" who just aren't as "good" as you. Does anyone else see a problem here?


So I consider conversion. Not seriously, obviously, as I am not about to throw out the Baby with the bathwater. But today I discovered the condiments of Pastafarianism, and really, I like them. So I conclude today's musing with my favorite of the eight "I'd Really Rather You Didn'ts," as found on www.wikipedia.org:

1. I'd really rather you didn't act like a sanctimonious holier-than-thou [***] when describing my Noodly Goodness. If some people don't believe in Me, that's okay. Really, I'm not that vain. Besides, this isn't about them so don't change the subject.

2. I'd really rather you didn't use My Existence as a means to oppress, subjugate, punish, eviscerate, and/or, you know, be mean to others. I don't require sacrifices, and purity is for drinking water, not people.

3. I'd really rather you didn't judge people for the way they look, or how they dress, or the way they talk, or, well, just play nice, okay? Oh, and get this in your thick heads: woman=person. Man=person. Samey - Samey. One is not better than the other, unless we're talking fashion and I'm sorry, but I gave that to women and some guys who know the difference between teal and fuschia.

4. I'd really rather you didn't indulge in conduct that offends yourself, or your willing, consenting partner of legal age AND mental maturity. As for anyone who might object, I think the expression is "go [****] yourself," unless they find that offensive, in which case they can turn off the TV for once and go for a walk for a change.

6. I'd really rather you didn't build multimillion-dollar churches/temples/mosques/shrines to My Noodly Goodness when the money could be better spent (take your pick):
ending poverty
curing diseases
living in peace, loving with passion, and lowering the cost of cable. I might be a Complex-Carbohydrate Omniscient Being, but I enjoy the simple things in life. I ought to know. I AM the Creator.